you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
