i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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