She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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