So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
