I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize