Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
