Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
