I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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