Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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