he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
