She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
