we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
