You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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