Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
