Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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