There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
