I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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