I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
