How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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