is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
