just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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