the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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