Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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