Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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