dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
