At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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