My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize