i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
