This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
