god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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