i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
