For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
