i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
