real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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