i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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