I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
