Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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