How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
