I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
