is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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