idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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