ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
