somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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