In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
