Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think my moral compass just broke
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