Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
