My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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