got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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