i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Drunk is a universal language darling
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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