Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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