doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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