I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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