why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
