good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize