Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
