Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
my poor anus
I forgot wine drunk hurts
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
