Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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