i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
