Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
