i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
