last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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