your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize