so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
porn star boner night. come get it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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