I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
