I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize