I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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