There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize