the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
