All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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