The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
