I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
