I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
