Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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