I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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