we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
