My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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