C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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