You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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