he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
