he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Randomize
