the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
