she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
