i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
