Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize