Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
