Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
