so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
