You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Houston, we have a blender
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
