tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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