Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
