Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize