who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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