oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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