How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
