I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
