this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize