I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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