no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
