Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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