I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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