I could make wine with my vomit
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
