I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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