Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
