Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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