she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
