3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize