Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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