p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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