i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
