Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
