Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My ATM looks so different sober.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
