i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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