i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
