You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
